Dear Diary
by pictureperfectmemory
Summary: Due to past experiences, she's shut herself off to the universe. She doesn't trust anybody, not even the beautiful blonde who tries so desperately to know her. She can't. She won't. She'll only end up hurt again. Santana GP. Warnings inside. College one-shot AU.


So a little idea I got while I was trying to get asleep last night. It's Santana!GP but I don't think I'm going to go into much details because I've never wrote GP before. It does deal with attempted suicide on Santana's behalf so if you're sensitive about this I warn you not to read. Diary entries will occur, bold for Santana, italics for Brittany.

...

College was everything she ever wanted. There were hundreds, they were easy to get into (if you had her brain) and they were as far away from home as she wanted. You see, getting away from home was something she was determined to do, even if she died trying. She had never liked home, if you could even call it that. It was basically a house which she'd thought of as a safe haven, away from the torments of school, which quickly turned into something she'd like to say was the work of the Devil.

Yes, she was bullied for literally her entire life. Why? Because she was a girl, who had a penis.

The first and only person she told, (her family already knew of course, and they thought of it as an abomination) was Finn Hudson. The tall boy who wanted to be her friend on the first day of middle school. He was never supposed to find out, but after he opened the door on her peeing whilst she was standing in sixth grade, she supposed he deserved a logically explanation. The logically explanation being the worst thing she ever did, of course, because the next day the whole school became silent when she walked through the gates, hand in her Papi's. After he left, giving her _the look,_ everybody laughed. They taunted and they jeered. She was dubbed "the girl inside a boy's body" and that was that. She was bullied, she had no friends, and to make matters worse? Her mom left and her dad turned abusive after he learned that the talk of the town was about his daughter having a penis.

So she knew what she had to do to get out of this life of misery. With the help of Mercedes Jones, the guidance counselor at her school and the only person she could ever talk to without fear of being called a freak or getting hit, she put everything she had into getting the best grades she could, (she actually didn't need to, being so smart and all) and getting the hell out of town. She needed a scholarship of course, her dad certainly wasn't going to pay for college fees, hell, he even hated to pay to put food on the table for her.

She could never have done it without Mercedes.

Even though she was hit constantly at home, pushed against lockers in the hallway, forbidden by the HBIC's to use the girls bathrooms and always, always, the victim of verbal insults, she pulled through the four more than difficult years at high school and got a scholarship at NYU (not her biggest dream, but it would do, it was 2,567 miles way from home) and boarded the first plane out of Nevada, NYC bound.

She was determined not to let _anyone _know of her extra appendage during her college years. She couldn't go through was she had been through her whole life. Luckily, she knew from Mercedes that nobody else had got into NYU from her fellow senior years, and she took that as a blessing from god.

So on the first day of college, she kept to herself, never making eye contact with anyone but her professors. She obviously come off as weird, because duh, what person doesn't want to make friends on the first day of college? But it was for the best, she specifically asked for a single room, which of course with her luck, couldn't be granted, meaning she had to be extra extra careful around her future room mate, since she couldn't afford an apartment.

What she wasn't expecting on the first day of college was to see the most memorizing, beautiful, freaking angelic person that she had ever seen in her life. She made something inside of her stir, and she couldn't stop looking. So when the girl felt eyes on her and turned around to flash the most heart warming smile in her direction, she just about died and every plan about not making friends was thrown out the window. Almost. She was about to smile back, but something inside of her told her no, don't do it, she'll found out, you'll only get hurt, and with that she scowled and turned around and walked towards her dorm.

...

**September 13th 2018**

**Dear Diary,**

**I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't get her out of my head. That beautiful blonde hair. Those eyes. Gosh, I've never seen blue eyes as blue as hers. I want to know her more, I really do. But I can't take the risk of her finding out. I just can't. **

**Santana.**

...

_9.13.18_

_dear diary, _

_today i saw the most adorable person ever. she's really small. she has really cute cheeks and a nose i just want to pinch. her lips are really full and pouty. i smiled at her but i don't think she was feeling well today. she gave me a look and walked away. i hope she's better tomorrow. i hope we can be friends. lord tubbington would love her. i know there's something special about her. i could see it in her eyes. did i mention her eyes? they're really brown, like chocolate swirls on top of yummy chocolate cake. speaking of cake, i'm hungry. i'm gonna go and find some cake. i hope i see her tomorrow. i need to find out her name first._

_bsp_

...

She settled into her college routine quite quickly. It wasn't surprising. She settled for the bullying and torture in the end. She knew it was her fault for having that disgusting thing were her vagina was supposed to be.

Anyway, classes were demanding, well, the ones she had already had. It wasn't that she couldn't do it, just that there was so much damn work to do. Luckily, her professors weren't the ones to mess around and give group projects in the first week, so she hadn't had to speak to anyone yet. She even ignored her room mate (she didn't even know her name), not that she would ever speak to her anyway, she sounded like a total bitch and had an annoying voice.

She was extraordinarily careful around her, and only went to pee when she was out of the room. She couldn't have another Finn incident. No, she wasn't going to let that happen.

Just as she turned the corner on the hallway to attend her last class of the day, economics, she saw that girl she couldn't get out of her head walking towards her. The girl smiled and she was aching to smile back, but her face remained stiff and her eyes went back to the ground. Just as she was about to turn the handle to open her class room door, a pale hand made contact with hers and she pulled away, almost gasping. There was definitely something she felt in that brief contact, she didn't need to look up to know who it was, it was that girl.

"Sorry, after you." And god, her voice was just as angelic as her face. Her cheeks burned and she was desperate to turn and round back to her dorm, but if she didn't attend her first class of economics, she wouldn't make a good impression on her professor. So against her will, her hand hastily turned the knob and she entered the room, only looking up from the ground to find an empty seat. Of course, there was only two empty seats left, and knowing that girl was behind her, she would have to sit next to her for two whole hours. Silently groaning and hating on all her stars, she made her way to the seat, looking out of the window when the girl sat next to her.

For the whole class, she felt eyes on her, but she didn't dare turn to meet them. She kept her focus on what her professor was saying, making notes for almost the entire two hours. Her hand was aching when the professor announced the class was over, and she sighed in relief when she was able to get to the door first, turning the hallway as quickly as possible.

She still felt the tingles in her hand.

...

**September 26th 2018**

**Dear Diary,**

**I almost let my guard down today. Almost. The angel was sitting next to me for an entire two hours and I felt my walls freaking breaking. I want to talk to her. I really do. After hearing her voice say those three words, it's all I want to hear for the rest of my life. But I can't take the risk. I won't. **

**Santana.**

...

_9.26.18_

_dear diary, _

_do i smell? today i found out the adorable girls name. it's santana. i saw her writing it on her new text book in economics class. lucky huh? i get to share a class and sit next to an adorable girl for two hours. anyway, back to the question. santana kept moving her chair away from mine in class. i'm pretty sure i don't smell. the only class i had today was journalism and i'm 100% sure that doesn't make a person smell. maybe it was the shampoo i've been using. do you think she likes the scent of strawberries? tonight i'll use apple scented shampoo instead. she didn't look at me today, she didn't talk either. i think she's still sick. maybe i should take some medicine to her tomorrow. do you want to know something really awesome, diary? our hands touched when we were about to enter the class. i've never felt something so soft. but two seconds later it was gone. i felt like electricity was going up my arm. i think i scared her tho. she didn't answer me when i told her to go first. maybe i really do smell. i'm going to shower. _

_bsp_

...

The amount of work was staring to take a toll on her. She still had tons of essays to write for her history classes and a paper she had to hand in tomorrow. In high school she was never like this, even with all the bullying going on. That blonde had really been taking up too much of her thinking time.

It's not like she really minded. Dreaming of her beautiful face always ended up with waking happily. Her room mate gave her looks sometimes, but she brushed them off.

So she started with her huge workload and finished at around 1am, her room mate still wasn't back from god knows where, which made her extremely happy. She could actually get some sleep without being woken by snoring or her room mates phone beeping like crazy. She gave her kudos for having so many friends though.

It was 2am when she last looked at her phone before she drifted away, dreaming of the girl she couldn't get out of her head.

...

**October 17th 2018**

**Dear Diary, **

**she keeps trying to talk to me in economics class. I want to reply. I want to let her in. I want her to be the one I can talk about things with. Every time I ignore her, I hear her sigh. She's going to give up soon. The sooner the better. That way, nobody gets hurt.**

**Santana.**

...

_10.17.18_

_dear diary,_

_i've tried to make conversation with her but it never works. i just don't think she likes me. i try asking her for a pen, and she just places it on the table without even looking at me. i ask her if she knows what date the assignments due, but she just points to her own paper. i don't know what i did to her, but whatever i did do, i'm gonna apologise for it. i want to be her friend, so badly. i want to her her voice. i want to see her eyes again. they remind me of cake so much, and now when i eat cake, i feel sad because i think of her. i actually think of her a lot. she's always alone and she never speaks to anyone. i thought that she was deaf, but when the professor calls her name she lifts her head to answer. she never speaks though, never. i think she doesn't want me to hear her. i don't know why though. i bet her voice is beautiful, just like her. btw, i asked sam if i smell. he sad no. i trust him because he's my best friend. i know it's not my hair scent that she doesn't like, i saw her eating a fruit salad yesterday. strawberrys and apples. maybe i'm to wide for her to sit next too or maybe she thinks i'm evil. do you think i'm evil diary? i'm going to church to speak to father fabray about this. _

_bsp_

...

**October 31st 2018**

**Dear Diary,**

**I see her with the blonde boy all the time. They must be a thing. It makes me jealous and I have no right to be jealous. All I am is downright rude to her, but she still tries to talk to me. Maybe I should give her a chance. NO! Things won't end well. I'm not going to let anyone know. Not this time.**

**Santana.**

...

_10.31.18_

_dear diary,_

_i saw her staring today. actually staring. voluntary staring. i thought i was imagining things at first. but she was. she was across the cafeteria from me, sitting alone, as usual. i was sitting with sam but i wanted to go over there and sit with her. oh! maybe she thinks sam is my boyfriend and she got jealous. actually i take that back. why would she be jealous of sam? she doesn't even like me. what if she's jealous of me, diary? what if she wants sam? i need to tell her that we're not together. i hope she doesn't hate me more for this. i think i need some loving. i wish lord tubbington was here._

_bsp_

...

**November 7th 2018 **

**Dear Diary,**

**today she slipped a note in my text book. It said "me and sam, that blonde one with big lips, are NOT a thing. if you want him, i'll put a word in for you" I laughed when I read it, because really? He's a bottle blonde for one, and those lips she was talking about are freaking gigantic and would swallow me whole. I knows she wants us to be friends but I can't let her in. She must've caught me staring. I need to be more careful. I have to.**

**Santana.**

...

_11.7.18_

_dear diary,_

_i haven't caught her staring since the note. i don't think she likes sam anymore. she doesn't talk to anyone, boy or girl, why would she talk to sam? i think i've scared her away, do you think i'm scary diary? i know there's something going on with her, why she's closed off to the world. i just want to know what it is. i want to help her. i want to comfort her. i want her to know she has someone she can trust. i wouldn't care if she's a murderer, i'd still want to talk to her. lord tubbington is a murderer, he killed lots of mice and i never judged him. mice are creepy anyway. it's almost been two months since i first saw her. she hasn't spoke to me. i don't think she ever will. but i'm not going to give up. i know she needs someone. if i walk away now, she'll think she's not worth it. but she is. she's worth everything. i'd give up all my money and possessions for her to know how special she is, to me anyway. speaking of money, i need to go check my bank. _

_bsp_

...

Christmas break came quick, and since she had nobody, nobody at all, she payed what little money she had to stay in the dorms over the holiday. She didn't mind, she had the dorm all to herself now with her room mate gone for two weeks. She wouldn't be bothered by anyone. Part of her wished the blonde girl would show up at her door but the other part slapped herself mentally for even thinking that. She was Santana Lopez, she didn't need anyone.

...

After the new year, her professors piled work on top of her, literally. She had no breathing space, no thinking space and worst of all, her hands ached like crazy. She didn't have time to write in her diary, she didn't have time think about the blonde girl, even though she was constantly in her head. All she did was work, work, work. She even got a job, her college life was way to hectic for a freshman, she didn't think she could cope. So she did what she had to, she asked her economics professor if she could start skipping his class and work from her room instead. He agreed, as long as she researched things instead and had her papers due on time, it was a relief, but also sadness. She wouldn't be seeing blonde girl as much, and seeing her face was the best part of her day, even if it was the worst.

...

_2.10.19_

_dear diary,_

_she hasn't been in class for weeks. i miss her. even if she never spoke to me. i miss her. i miss her smell. i miss the pout in her lips when she gets confused. i miss the crinkle in her nose. i miss everything. does this make me crazy diary? maybe i should go see a therapist. i think i have stalker syndrome._

_bsp_

...

_2.27.19_

_dear diary,_

_i've seen her once in the last month. ONCE. it's making me crazy. it's like i need to see her to survive. i just wish we were friends. that i had her phone number, her dorm room number. anything. i hope she's okay. i know it's been busy. everyone's been busy. i wish she didn't stop coming to class. i feel lonely when she's not next to me. weird, i know. she never even spoke to me. i'm really sad. i want some ice cream, ice cream makes everything better_

_bsp_

...

_25.27.19_

_dear diary,_

_i found out her dorm room number a month ago. i want to see her. i haven't seen her for more than a minute in the last three months. i'm scared to knock on the door. i've been walking up and down her hallway for weeks, hoping to run into her. i never do. i'll be rejected if i knock, she'll probably stare and close the door in my face. it would hurt and i can't go through that. she means so much to me and i don't even know her. she mesmorized me on the first day i saw her and i haven't got over it since. she probably thinks i've given up. i have to knock on that door. i just have to. i miss her. i miss lord tubbington too. do you think i should buy another cat?_

_bsp_

...

The day she knocked on her door was the day she almost had a heart attack. The small kncoks had been going on for about two minutes of her ignoring them until she finally opened it. It was probably someone for her room mate, and she figured it was better to answer than hear annoying tapping for god knows how much more longer.

Did I mention she almost had a heart attack when she opened the door and found the blonde she'd been dreaming about too much recently standing right infront of her?

Right well, back to that.

The blonde smiled nervously at her, wringing her hands out in front of her. "Hi." It was one word. One simple word.

And Santana? She almost fell to the ground, mentally. Her posture remained still and a scowl had formed on her face, but she knew what should have been there was a smile.

"Do you have a couple of minutes? Can I come in?" The blonde's smile was wavering as the silence went on and Santana felt a pang of guilt in her heart. She'd been nothing but nice and patient with her, and here she was, giving this beautiful angel the silent treatment because of her own stupid fears.

So she did what she never thought she would do, ever. She opened the door and gestured for the blonde to come in. She stared at the room for a minute, before giving Santana a wide smile and slowly walking in.

They stood in silence, staring at each other for a minute. Santana's heart was beating like crazy, her hands were sweating and all the blood was rushing to her head. What had she gotten herself into?

Of course, angel walking on earth was the first to break the silence, again. "I missed you at economics class." It was a whisper but Santana heard it loud and clear, still she said nothing in reply.

"I was so worried about you, I still I am. I haven't seen you for over three months, Santana-"

A gasp left Santana's mouth when she heard her name said by the blonde, but she seemed not to notice.

"I thought something had happened and I would never have forgiven myself if it had, because I knew I could have stopped it if I tried hard enough. I know something is bothering you, I know you're scared of whatever it is and I know you don't want to talk to me, but you can tell me. I can help you, you can trust me. Just please, don't go through it alone, it makes me sad."

Santana stood in shock. Was she really that obvious?

"I can't." Santana choked out before she was really thinking.

The blonde's eyes bore into her, the evidence of sadness was too much for Santana.

"Please go."

"But-"

"Please." It was a whimper.

The girl looked upset as if unsure what to do anymore.

And then she left.

And then Santana cried.

...

**May 30th 2019**

**Dear Diary,**

**I did possibly the stupidest thing I ever did in my life. I pushed her away. Someone who was willing to be that person I could trust, could talk to about anything I wanted. I told her to go. I'm so goddamn stupid. It was for the best though. She probably would have freaked if I did actually tell her. I want her in my life so bad. She said she missed me. I never said that I missed her too. But I can't let her in. **

**Santana.**

...

_5.30.19_

_dear diary,_

_today i saw her for the first time in three months. today i heard her voice for the first time ever. it's so beautiful. rapsy and delicious. i would have cried tears of joy if it wasn't for the fact she used her voice to tell me to go. i honestly thought i was getting somewhere with her when she allowed me into the room. *le sigh* i just want to be apart of her life. face all of the problems with her. is that too much to ask, diary? she will never understand how much she means to me, i sound delirious, right? i want her in my life so much. i want to hear her voice for hours on end. i want to stare her face forever. i'm not crazy. i'm in love. speaking of love, i'd really love some pretzels right now. i think it's time for a walk to central park_

_bsp_

...

7_.18.19_

_dear diary,_

_summer vacation starts in a week. i'm scared. i don't want to leave. she'll be alone. i know she stayed here for christmas break and spring break. i want to stay with her. i know she won't let me. she won't even let the world see her anymore. yes, i've been standing at the end of her hallway everyday for the last two months and she only ever comes out for her history classes and to go to work, i don't let her see me, i'd scare her away. i guess she does her other classes from her room. i want to know what's wrong with her. i'm really worried. she can't be like this for another 3 years. i can't be like this for another 3 years. _

_bsp_

...

**June 25th 2019**

**Dear Diary,**

**I got a note through my door today. It said "i'm really gonna miss you. i'd stay and try and convince you to hang out all summer, but you wouldn't allow it would you? stay safe and well, see you next semester. brittany x" And so I finally know the girl who haunts my dreams name. It's so perfect. It matches her personality. But no, I can't be thinking these things. I can't.**

**Santana.**

...

Summer had been uneventful. She'd done nothing but sleep, eat, watch re runs of The Walking Dead and work. She'd saved up enough money to get everything she needed for the next semester. She was going to be a sophomore at college, man, how time flies. There was only another week left until her classes started again, and with just her luck, economics was the first on her schedule. She had to attend this years classes now though, her professor said there was no avoiding, she wouldn't pass without her attendance mark. She was going to have to be put through the two hours of sitting next to Brittany again (it felt so good but so bittersweet to be calling her by her real name) and she dreaded it, but it was exciting her more than she wanted. She had missed the blonde, as much as she hated herself for. She told herself she couldn't get attached, but she already was.

...

The urge to pee came unexpected, she hadn't even drank anything for the last two hours, still, she hauled herself off the bed and went into the bathroom, releasing the urine in to the bowl, not noticing the slamming of the door in the bedroom area.

"Santana?" It was her room mate. She froze.

"Santana? Are you in here?"

She tried desperately to move, to do something, but she was frozen in fear.

The bathroom door opened. She was shaking.

"Santana, what are you doing standing like- oh! Oh my god!"

Her room mate was right next to her, her eyes glued to her penis.

Santana did nothing. She couldn't do nothing. She wasn't supposed to be back for another two days.

And then her room mate was gone.

Her life was over.

...

**September 10th 2019**

**Dear Diary,**

**she knows. My room mate knows. The irony, huh? She found out the way Finn did, except this time, I didn't have to put myself through the pain of it. It's all gonna happen again. I can't do this. **

**Santana.**

...

She had decided to wait until her classes started to see if her room mate had told people and of course, she did. Every single person she didn't want staring at her, was staring at her. They were laughing, pointing, sending disgusted looks in her way. She even heard the old school but upgraded insult now "a man stuck in a woman's body". She couldn't take it anymore. She didn't even hear the way Brittany shouted her name as she ran out of the building, tears rolling endlessly down her face.

...

It was dark and cold when she reached her destination. Manhattan Bridge. This is where she was gonna end everything. She had been through it all before, she wasn't going through it again. She did not work her ass off and move cross country just for the same thing to happen because of one stupid person. No, she was going to end this now. She was not going through three years of torture because of her stupid fucking penis that she really really really hated right now.

Looking around, she saw nobody and climbed the railing, looking into the murky waters below her. Far below her.

She stop a deep breath and-

"Don't you dare jump, Santana. Don't you fucking dare."

_That_ made her almost slip and fall. Almost. She turned around, although she didn't have to because she already knew who it was. Brittany, of course. How she knew she was here? Well only God knew at the moment.

"Don't come any closer!" She found herself saying.

"What are you doing?" Brittany whimpered. Santana scoffed. Just her luck, somebody would have to get in the way.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago, like you care anyway!"

"No." Brittany was crying and for a moment, Santana actually felt bad. But no, she didn't get to feel bad for other people.

"You can't stop me from doing this!"

"Santana please-"

"No, Brittany! No, just don't even try. I'm doing this whether you like it or not. I'm not spending my life around idiots who will never except me, who will bully me and hate me for something I have no control over! I don't want to spend my life alone, with nobody around who loves or cares for me-"

"How _dare _you?" The girl behind whimpered. "Don't ever say that, Santana! Don't you _ever _say that again!"

"It's true! The only other person who loved me was my mom, and that was because she thought I was a normal baby boy and when she found out? I was treated like an outcast. Nobody cared for me. Nobody showed me love! I've been bullied, hit, abused for my entire life, and you're telling me to not say that?"

"I know you've had a tough life-"

"You know nothing!" Santana cries in anguish.

"You know nothing. You don't know how emotionally scarred I am, you don't know what it feels like to be me!"

"Let me make you better. Let me be the one to fix you, to make you love yourself." Footsteps sound and Santana shakes.

"Don't come near me!"

"Damnit, Santana! You're making me really upset and angry! How could you not know for all this time I've been in love with you? I've been in love with you since that first then when you scowled at me. I've been in love with you since our hands touched that time before economics class! I've-"

"NO! It's all a lie, you're just saying these things so you can give me hope and so tomorrow everyone at college can still label me the freak! Well no, I'm sorry but it's not happening. Now go away, I don't want you to witness this."

"Fine." Santana sighs in relief when she hears footsteps, but nearly chokes to her death when she hears Brittany climbing up onto the railing herself.

"If you jump, I'm coming with you."

"Get down, Brittany. Don't be so foolish."

"I'm serious, I'm not gonna watch you jump and live my life like you never meant nothing to me. I'm not gonna wake up every morning crying for the one that got away before I even had a chance with her-"

"Just get down!"

"NO! You don't get to tell me what to do. Not when it involves breaking my heart."

"Stop lying! Just stop! Please! I can't take it. Go back to your room, forget you were even here. Act like I never existed. Just don't feed me these lies. I'm not going back. I'm not getting treated like that again."

"I said no! I'm not leaving you! If you jump then I'm jumping with you!"

Santana stalled. "Why are you doing this?" She closed her eyes, the tears coming out rapidly. It was all too much.

"Why?" Brittany managed a chuckle. "Because I'm not watching the girl I'm so hopelessly in love with jump to her death, taking everything I ever wanted with her. I'm not letting her take away that chance of knowing what it feels like to make love everyday like it's our first time. Not being able to hold your hand underneath the table when I take you out for our weekly dates. Not being able to feel so much happiness when I slip the engagement and wedding rings onto your finger. Not knowing what it feels like to hold our future babies in my arms. Not having the chance to get the big house and even bigger garden surrounded with a white picket fence in the surburbs. You can't deprive me of that, Santana. I won't be able to deal with the fact you're gone, taking my dreams away with you. So if you're going, so am I."

They were both sobbing by now. The tears kept coming. Both were shaking. Brittany was more concerned about the fact Santana was swaying on the railing. The sight was too much for her.

"Get down from the railing, Santana. Please, do it for me."

Santana must have seen the love radiating from her eyes, mixed with the fear and every other emotion possible to feel, because she stepped down from the railings and collapsed to the floor, sobs shaking her entire body.

Brittany followed close after, wrapping the small body up in her arms, relishing in the feeling of the closeness, even if it was in the worst situation.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so so sorry!" Santana repeated like a mantra into Brittany's shoulder.

"What are you sorry for silly? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"For being so rude to you for the past year, for not knowing how you felt. For not grabbing you by your cheeks and kissing you and telling you how much I love you, how much I adore you. I'm so sorry."

Brittany smiled in complete adoration. "Well, then. I'll guess you'll just have to make it up to me somehow."

Santana's head shot up. "You're serious?"

"Uh huh, deadly."

Santana's shaky hand rose to Brittany's face, softly stroking up from the jawline to her cheek, marveling how great it felt to be touching her, finally. With a surge of confidence, she cupped both the blonde's cheeks and slowly brought their lips together. With a gasp, she felt freaking fireworks explode in her heart, and kissed her desperately like the world was about to end.

"I love you, so so so much. More than I even thought was possible."

"I love you even more, Santana."

"What am I going to do?" Reality was suddenly brought back to Santana, whose eyes were wide in panic.

"You-" Brittany booped her nose, "are not going to do anything. I, for one, am going to speak to my dad who's on board at Columbia and get you enrolled there. You're not going back to that shitty college with those disgusting people. No, not on my watch."

"You're kidding? You'll come with me?"

"Anything you want, baby." Santana smiled and nuzzled her nose against Brittany's.

"So, uh, you don't care about my..."

"Yes, Santana. Of course I care about your penis. It's a part of you and it makes you beautiful, regardless of other people's opinions. I care about it so much and I love it. I love every part of you."

Santana laughed in relief, pulling Brittany closer to her and holding her tighter.

"Hey, San?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we get off this bridge now? I'm freezing."

"Sure we can."

"We can go to my parents house and crash there until I get our things from the dorms. They won't mind before you ask. Mom's pretty rebel and dad's just, well dad. He's crazy but he's hella smart and he's totally going to love you."

"Okay, Britt. I trust you. I love you so much."

"And I love you."

...

**September 13th 2019**

**Dear Diary,**

**so today Britt collected you from my dorm and today marks the day I first saw her all those 364 days ago. I'm finally happy, diary. Thank you for listening to everything. I'm sure I won't need you anymore, I have my Britt now. Don't worry, I'll keep you forever.**

**Santana.**

...

_9.13.2019_

_dear diary,_

_i finally got my girl. not so crazy anymore huh? well, crazy in love. i'll speak to you later old friend._

_bsp_

...

Contrary to Santana's belief, she did hit the jackpot with Brittany. When she met her parents they instantly fell in love with and as her new luck would have it, she was enrolled in Columbia the next week with Brittany following the day after. She blamed her new lucky charm (Brittany) when they were put in the same room.

She graduated three years later with a job as a history teacher in a private high school, while Brittany got the job she always dreamed of, a journalist.

Santana watched as her girlfriend grew to be one of the most famous in New York, and then the whole country. (Her charm, looks and personality captured America's heart.)

She wasn't surprised when they both proposed to each other on the same day two years later. She definitely wasn't surprised when Susan Pierce cried into her shoulder for four hours straight then stopped as soon as she heard wedding plans. She definitely got scared when John Pierce warned her if she ever broke his baby girl's heart he'd hurt her, and the same went to Brittany. They lived together as a happy family until they saved enough to buy their own place in the surburbs, with a bigger garden surrounded with a brown picket fence. She'd paint it white later.

She didn't hate her penis so much anymore after she made love to Brittany for the first time, and she definitely did not hate it when she was holding one of her new born twins for the first time with tears streaming from her eyes.

And when Oliver and Alex were running down the aisle with both their wedding rings on silk cushions, she would thank her penis for everything later.

And when she found out Brittany was pregnant this time with a girl, her penis became her best friend in the entire world.

...

_1.20.35_

_dear diary,_

_i did it. we did it. we're making it. all my dreams came true. i have everything i could ever want. i have the most beautiful woman in the world to call my wife, three gorgeous children, my big house and white picket fence and lord tubbington junior. i could not be happier if i tried. this is my life and i wouldn't swap it for anything._

_i love her so much. more than anything in this world. i love my children so much. i love my family._

_brittany susan lopez-pierce_

_..._

wowowowow okay so i don't even know if that makes any sense i just kept writing and i don't know what happened lol. i'm so happy about the new brittana spoilers i knew they were end game hells yeah! okay so i'm off now over and out

p.s i'm sorry if i did not capture the suicide attempt scene as good as some of you may have read, hell it could have been the worst thing you've ever read before. but like i said, i've never wrote girl peen and i've never wrote suicide attempts before. but i'll work on it.

onwards and up!


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